Downtown, Not So Much

Last night I went downtown, a place I haven't ventured to for what seems like several peaceful years but has actually only been several peaceful weeks....I went to help out my old job (because I'm a good samaritan...... and because they will pay me...) I forgot the hub bub of downtown. Just the sheer velocity of noise bouncing off of buildings that are spitting out wads of salty, scurrying people. I mean, I've been biking to work lately and yesterday I even walked (a 1.4 mile walk - ah how I love google.com/pedometer !) A half hour of quiet contemplation on the way to a rehabbed factory building is far different from the hour commute on the red line...Regardless, what I'm trying to say is now that I don't have to be there so much I have become a puss about downtown Chicago. I felt like I was visiting from Nowheresville, USA last night as I got pushed across the sidewalks and streets ans shuddered in time to the jackhammers. In the month that I've been away seemingly every block of downtown is getting some sort of work done to it.... It was overwhelming.

But not as overwhelming as walking back into my old building and going into my old office.. This is a place that I went to almost every day for five years..such a long time that it became one of those places (like my childhood home or my first Chicago apartment) that you don't even notice any details about it anymore. It's rote, physical and sense memory. Walking down the hall to my old office was like walking in a dream.
I worked on stuff for a couple of hours, trying to resist the urge to run away screaming "This is not my life anymore"... Office buildings after dark are lonely, creepy places. The quiet of no phones ringing or co-workers making small talk is eerie and intensified the weirdness of it all.

This disconnect, this realization that I am not a downtown, career gal anymore was strange and humbling and took me back a bit. I mean, working downtown is draining and my old job was not the best but, I also feel like I've lost the badge of honor that working in downtown Chicago is. I have no El stories to tell lately. I kind of miss the homeless guy on Monroe who says "God bless you! I love you" to me (and everyone else) when I used to pass him...Going to "old work" last night was like seeing an ex-boyfriend, bittersweet..

Things that are YAY!
1. Three day weekends - Hoorah! This weekend is packed with Best Friends visiting and good friends marrying and hopefully some napping...hopefully..YAY for long weekend!
2. Undeclared - The boy I heart and I just finished the DVD collection of this series the other night...It is soooo good and clever and I loved it when it was on tv but it was even better in retrospect. YAY!
3. "I Was Born A Unicorn" by The Unicorns - I've loved this song for awhile but just heard the other day and realized that I LOVE IT, like Big Grin on My Face while walking LOVE IT!

Things that are Boo:
1. Courtney Love Accusing Steve Coogan- Which is POOOP! Steve Coogan is brilliance see: Alan Partridge OR Tristam Shandy...
2. Hitting reply on an e-mail and sending it to the wrong person...at work...

"Lost Somewhere Between the Earth and my Home.."

I was biking home yesterday and almost hit a fork in the road....Not a lovely wooded glen-style fork (see up above of this babbling, yeah one of those.) Nope there was an actual dingy beat up fork lying on the side of Wilson Ave yesterday afternoon. Which I thankfully spotted, thought "Wow, way to be super literate God", laughed out loud and circled into traffic and around it...This means nothing, I mean it could mean something if I, like the God I referred to up above was super literate but, I had no "MY life has hit a fork in the road!" moment. Because really, after about a month of being in wonderful partially unemployed, partially at new fabulous job style limbo. The fork in the road has been passed! HOORAH!

I left work last night, exhausted, exhausted but happy. What kind of weirdo really feels satisfied making lunch orders, airplane reservations and doing office wide surveys about coffee?? THIS kind of weirdo, I say! I hopped on my bike and tried to zip home...tried to...but all of this construction on roads around my work is really jacking up my "cool urban bike commute" (trademark pending) and it has instead become a "cool urban, stop and walk your bike around chopped up road" commute. I've reverted to riding on the sidewalk - GASP!- I am now the asshole who rides on the sidewalk! But, really, the street has been graded, which means everything that makes it a street has been gnawed away and all that is left is uneven chunks of pavement with gravel clumps strewn about and huge potholes of death and you know what, if you had seen me take the digger seen round the world, where my bike literally fell on top of me while I skidded out on gravel you would beg me to ride on the sidewalk...

Bike riding, city bike riding, is such a complicated beast - like everything else in a city it counts on the basic tenant that there is limited space and we should share and share a like. If I am not an asshole bike rider who runs lights without looking and rides on sidewalks or in the center of the road then presumably cars will pay back my good deeds by being aware of me when driving, not opening their car doors into the bike lane without looking etc... This theory has held up over the past few months. Much like avoiding a mugging, avoiding a bike accident relies on awareness of others and surroundings...

Blah-blah blog..Got home last night and wanted to pass out on the couch so badly but, instead I did laundry and watched reruns of ANTM (new season Sept. 19th!!) and cleaned up my room. Just as I was about to go to bed the boy I heart most called and was outside with the bestest, most retardedly lovely dog in the world. I went downstairs and got to say goodnight to two of my favorite people...I mean look at this picture below, look how cute the step-dog is.. How can I stay salty about bad bike experiences when looking at such a face..

Shoreline and It's Half Speed...

This is the first post of a blog that I don't know if I will even keep up with. A place to throw up thoughts and writing and see if it sticks...A place to type randomness into the ether while looking busy at work...you know the drill.

It's hot in Chicago - a sudden heat wave that surprised me as I dragged myself out of work last night. Long after most people should be leaving work, long after I mentally left work. The new job I have is completely awesome and completely draining which is simultaneously great and bad news bears. I've been here three weeks and I love it - I mean love it more than I should love an office job which is a sad reality of getting older... Suddenly craving health benefits and stability and expendable income (gasp!) What does it mean when the pull between artistic abandonment and the need for real life things is no longer the central tug of war in your life? All of a sudden I've found myself settling into being older, to the routine of my life - wake up, cereal and vitamins, get on bike, bike to work, work, leave work and bike to the boy or to my friends or just to my house. I'm on a break from theatre and I'm missing it but I'm not missing the erratic schedule, the hours of sitting in a small room watching people emote, the noting of blocking and making of props lists. I DO miss the human interaction and the collaboration and the sheer fruity "artiness" (not really a word but really should be a word!) of putting a show together.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this restlessness with routine, and the acceptance that life is getting hum drum as I get older is leading to a NEW tug of war... More than anything right now I am hoping for balance, to balance the humdrum routine with the franticness of working full time and doing shows. Looking for a way to balance having "Heather Time" (full of sloth and reading books and dancing around to music) and having time with the boy that I heart. I think the push and pull of life will always come back to this essential problem - how do I achieve the balance I want? And for me that answer changes day to day - I mean even the concept of "what I want" changes day to day but, the luxury of getting older is that at least I admit that I want things now...not material things, sometimes the "thing" that I want is as simple as time to watch POV on PBS (which is sooo good, so good I say!).

Enough of this deep talk though - it is the week before a three day weekend. Only two days until I see my best friend in the whole world. Life is humming along and for once it's not overwhelming.

Things that are YAY!
1. The Lives of Others - This movie won Best Foreign Film at last years Oscars for a reason..because it's provoking and sad and beautiful and made me dream that I lived in a stylized version of East Germany which sounds nightmarish but I woke up feeling melancholy in the best teenage way...Just a good movie, see it!
2. Biking to Work!- YAY for not waiting for a bus or a train! Yay for not having to pay the CTA money I don't have to be late for work and things I want to do...the only downside to using my bike to get everywhere is locking it up all the time because I'm so clumsy it literally takes me at least five minutes...but all of the rest of it is awesome!
3. Rainy Nights with Folks I Heart - Nothing like snuggling with the boy I love and watching a movie when it's pouring out or having wine and good convo with a good ladyfriend - listen, the storms here lately have sucked but the company has been great!
4. Zizek! - Dave and I recently watched this documentary about the Slovenian philosopher Zizek and it made my brain hurt in such a good way!

Things that are Boo
1. Too Little Weekend - There just isn't enough nap time in two days - which is why the extended weekend is going to be awesome!
2. Teeth - Not boo on teeth as a whole, I mean they ARE very useful things to have but, boo to tooth problems and not having insurance yet and grinning (or scowling) and bearing it...