This, That, The Other

1.THIS: The smug face of Kirsten Dunst as Marie Antoinette, a movie that despite both of our better judgements Dave and I watched this weekend..I wanted to want to like it. I wanted there to be a story, I wanted it to be more than pretty pictures that signified nothing - I mean NOTHING. How could such an interesting story be so boring? How could Steve Coogan be in a movie and it be bad? These are questions that haunt a person...or a person like me. It has taken viewings of at least four episodes of The Office and a handful of Arrested Development to wash the taste of bad dvd from my mouth...
2. THAT - That feeling that settles over me when the first cold rainy night hits Chicago. It feels the same as the last day of summer vacation, a strange mix of loneliness and comfort and the electric ache of loss... It's strange and unexplainable. Riding home, a steady patter of rain hitting my face I felt peaceful and kept telling myself that the summer is not over and the winter is not officially here but part of me knew I was lying.. Needless to say I was all over the map last night but happy that I had a weekend that was full of laziness and much needed cleaning of the apartment, and the moment where I realized my friend Jess was riding on the opposite side of Damen and we shouted hello to each other over the rush of cars and, of course, full of love from friends and the boy and all that good shit kept me grounded while I felt that strange rush of feelings last night...


3. The OTHER - I am not a joiner by nature. I quit Brownies when I was eight years old for a myriad of reasons (ugly uniforms, pressure to sell cookies, bratty girls) but, mostly because I don't like groups they make me feel awkward and more alone than before I was grouped with other folks and they kind of creep me out. I also have been asked to join several theatre companies around town and always said no - because of the above reasons, because I wanted to do a bunch of different projects instead of settling down with what that company did, because I don't do stage/production management work for free... But, I met these people - these really awesome, amazing people who produce work that engages me, who want to do big things in big ways, who are led by one of my heroes (a ladyfriend who sneezes glitter and poos rainbows, she is so amazing!) and they wanted me - who definitely does not sneeze glitter or poo rainbows, who is slightly intimidated by the thought of doing big things in big ways - to join them. And I did, and they are awesome and Sunday night I hung out with them and it made my weekend!

Things that are Yay!:
1. My Birthday- Is coming! YAYAYAY for cake and presents and brunch with friends and even for turning a year older! I'm so excited!
2. Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls - So good, so heartbreaking and real and such a good memoir of a childhood of raising yourself...
3. Arrested Development - Who is funnier Lucille or Buster? GOB or Tobias?? It doesn't matter really because they are all so funny! How I heart the Arrested D!

Things that are Boo:
1. Cold Hands- The season of cold hands has begun and I am not a fan of feeling like my fingers are going to break off all the time.

Shoreline and It's Half Speed...

This is the first post of a blog that I don't know if I will even keep up with. A place to throw up thoughts and writing and see if it sticks...A place to type randomness into the ether while looking busy at work...you know the drill.

It's hot in Chicago - a sudden heat wave that surprised me as I dragged myself out of work last night. Long after most people should be leaving work, long after I mentally left work. The new job I have is completely awesome and completely draining which is simultaneously great and bad news bears. I've been here three weeks and I love it - I mean love it more than I should love an office job which is a sad reality of getting older... Suddenly craving health benefits and stability and expendable income (gasp!) What does it mean when the pull between artistic abandonment and the need for real life things is no longer the central tug of war in your life? All of a sudden I've found myself settling into being older, to the routine of my life - wake up, cereal and vitamins, get on bike, bike to work, work, leave work and bike to the boy or to my friends or just to my house. I'm on a break from theatre and I'm missing it but I'm not missing the erratic schedule, the hours of sitting in a small room watching people emote, the noting of blocking and making of props lists. I DO miss the human interaction and the collaboration and the sheer fruity "artiness" (not really a word but really should be a word!) of putting a show together.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this restlessness with routine, and the acceptance that life is getting hum drum as I get older is leading to a NEW tug of war... More than anything right now I am hoping for balance, to balance the humdrum routine with the franticness of working full time and doing shows. Looking for a way to balance having "Heather Time" (full of sloth and reading books and dancing around to music) and having time with the boy that I heart. I think the push and pull of life will always come back to this essential problem - how do I achieve the balance I want? And for me that answer changes day to day - I mean even the concept of "what I want" changes day to day but, the luxury of getting older is that at least I admit that I want things now...not material things, sometimes the "thing" that I want is as simple as time to watch POV on PBS (which is sooo good, so good I say!).

Enough of this deep talk though - it is the week before a three day weekend. Only two days until I see my best friend in the whole world. Life is humming along and for once it's not overwhelming.

Things that are YAY!
1. The Lives of Others - This movie won Best Foreign Film at last years Oscars for a reason..because it's provoking and sad and beautiful and made me dream that I lived in a stylized version of East Germany which sounds nightmarish but I woke up feeling melancholy in the best teenage way...Just a good movie, see it!
2. Biking to Work!- YAY for not waiting for a bus or a train! Yay for not having to pay the CTA money I don't have to be late for work and things I want to do...the only downside to using my bike to get everywhere is locking it up all the time because I'm so clumsy it literally takes me at least five minutes...but all of the rest of it is awesome!
3. Rainy Nights with Folks I Heart - Nothing like snuggling with the boy I love and watching a movie when it's pouring out or having wine and good convo with a good ladyfriend - listen, the storms here lately have sucked but the company has been great!
4. Zizek! - Dave and I recently watched this documentary about the Slovenian philosopher Zizek and it made my brain hurt in such a good way!

Things that are Boo
1. Too Little Weekend - There just isn't enough nap time in two days - which is why the extended weekend is going to be awesome!
2. Teeth - Not boo on teeth as a whole, I mean they ARE very useful things to have but, boo to tooth problems and not having insurance yet and grinning (or scowling) and bearing it...