Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yay

Before I begin apologizing profusely for never finding time to write my inane stories of biking mishaps and rants about public transportation (which, p.s. LADIES if you have a ginormous tote pull it in front of you when you are riding on a train. I rode for forty minutes with a Coach bag poking a hole in my side this morning, for fucks sake share space humans!) let me just say two things - 1.) Yes, the market is that bad. It is. Believe me, I work down the hall from a trading floor with a sticker that has been perputually red for the past month and YES it is that bad and YES we needed to act as a country to stop it. Believe me "Wall Street" greed got a lot of help, bitches weren't the ones signing mortgage agreements they couldn't keep. I have moved past general confusion about what the fuck is going on (because I am a theatre major and they don't really require macro-economics in a B.S. Stage Management program - it probably would have been more helpful then Acting for non-majors, but I digress..), past the daily stomach aches and panic attacks (because YES it really is that bad), to a place of innoculation - I am not rich which means I have nothing to lose, I can only do the best job I can with my life and stop freaking out... Part 2)Fall is here! OH MY GOD BLESS AMERICA I'm so happy! I heart the Fall, the leaves the sweaters, the cozying down with cute boys because it's cold out...so good! Within the last week I have made two (TWO) apple crumbles and this where part 2 comes in. Does anyone know how to keep the apples from releasing all of their watery apple goodness while baking? I am like Queen Super Yummy Crumble Top maker - the tops of these bad boys are crisp and perfect but what lies beneath, oh friends, it is all watery...Help please all two people who read this!

So, I guess September has come and gone. I finally went home and it was sad and lovely and everything that it was supposed to be. I had a birthday that actually turned out to be one of the nicest I've had in a while thanks to good friends and hot manfriend and the cool cats who I create the art, known as the theatre, known as the 2nd Story, with... I don't know if it's particular to this time of year or time of life but I feel like I'm lagging behind lately. It seems to take mountains of energy to do simple things and I've hit a two week period where I feel like I'm constantly doing things I have to do instead of things I actually want to do. Life is puttering along though - crumbles are being made and shows are being seen and friends are being bff'd out with ...it makes the idea of tap dancing with tin cans on my feet to earn money if the market crashes seem so insignificant...

Things that are YAY!:
1. Emotionally Weird by Kate Atkinson - I cannot lie I have a lady crush on Kate Atkinson - I have read almost everything she's written and it is brilliant. Really clever, engrossing novels with these characters - OH GOD these really flawed, fabulous characters....
2. Netflix Update - Flight of the Concords - Brilliant! I had heard it was so funny and now it is confirmed...the songs alone make it hilarious but the bonus of the characters is great! Mad Men - We just finished watching Season 1 and let me tell you this is a gorgeous show and the actors truly act their faces off...so good. The Hills - Season 3 of the show that got me through Unemployment Crisis 2007 is meh..yeah, I said it it is just meh.
3. Yummy Fall Food - Crumbles and squash and baked sweet potatos!!

Things that are Boo
Being exhausticated constantly - I could Rip Van Winkle it, for real! Someday, I will pay back the Bank of Sleep for all of the hours I owe it....

On the Cusp...

Taking a deep breath over here... Spring is always a crazy time of year - seriously, more people suffer nervous breakdowns and serious bouts of depression during the spring time than any other time because all of the blooming, the growing, the change reminds people just how stuck they are. Stuck works in the winter, it's cozy in the winter and a slap in the face on the first 70 degree day..This spring has been even crazier than usual what with the lack of serious permanent jobage and the chaos of the 2nd Story Fest (yay! we are awesome!).

I find myself drifting through the day, distracted by a million tugs on the sleeve of my subconcious. Little things have become hard to do and big things like job interviews and organizing schedules now seem so much easier than figuring out what to wear or how to keep in touch with the bajillion of friends that I no longer can keep a handle on...lameness... But, the lameness is breaking up just like the winter weather has and I find myself on the cusp of something potentially good- a job, a new one that is in a totally foreign much more corporate environment - which I'm thinking of as "Yay new environment! I will approach this like I'm Uncle Traveling Matt on the Fraggles and just observe how strange corporate shit works". To be honest I've worked in a quite a few creative offices in the past couple of years and the chance to work in an atmosphere that has honest to god rules and boundaries seems like a nice change of pace... I say this now...This is quite a big change though and it means that the "Holy shitballs! How am I going to pay my rent AND buy groceries!" worries may be over! Hoorah!

The Boy I heart and I went to the Dog Park this weekend (P.S. Big Ups to Puptown, the best dog park in Chicago !) and my head almost exploded with all of the cute dog-ness running around. Puggles and terriers and labs and golden retrievers all running in never ending circles with intermittent breaks to suck down some water. I heart going to the dog park (although not so much the dog beach because it's, well, it's kind of too much and also kind of like standing in a big pile of gross because you know that every dog that has visited has used the beach for business other than ball catching) but, I heart the dogs and not so much the people.. I mean there was a guy there this Sunday who must have just gotten his first digital camera before coming to the park because he was up in everyone's junk taking pictures, getting in the dogs ways - I mean let them have their room, it's their time! - and totally neglecting his seven year old son who was literally throwing himself around in the gravel, which is recockulously disgusting, I mean I barfed a little in my mouth... Long story short the amount of cute dogs outweighed the effects of rude folks and it made me hopeful that this summer will bring tons of surprises and more days of lazing around watching cute things run in circles...

I feel caught between places, moments, jobs, seasons right now. Life is a jig saw puzzle who's pieces almost match up and it is driving me a bit crazy. I am no good at living in the gray areas, at handling the in betweens and that is what the past few months have schooled me in. Learning to not only accept each bump in the road but also to learn from it, to trust that whatever comes along it's really not the end of the world (unless it is the end of the world - I just watched Cloverfield and that shit is scary).

Things that are Yay!:
1) The Worst Hard Time by Tim Egan - A book about the Great Depression, more specifically the Dust Bowl. I can hear you thinking "Awesome Heather! Like actual real life isn't depressing enough!" And yes, this story is depressing which is probably why I never really got all the facts about it but, it is so much more than that. It is inspiring that folks lived through four years straight of drought and dust storms, that they had the tenacity to hold on. It is also just a really great book that gives the reader all of the facts without skimping on the actual people's story... Really good! P.S. Because I'm reading this I turned to Dave during a thunderstorm last night and said "People living in the Dust Bowl fired explosives into clouds to make this sort of shit happen!" to which he replied "Nerd - O!"

2) The Bryant Park Project - NPR Podcasts how I heart you! Especially this twice a day bad boy that makes working on expense sheets twenty times easier...

3) My friend Heather - Who said "Why haven't you blogged lately?" which made my heart grow two sizes bigger because I honestly think that nobody reads this..She is amazing and I am lucky to have a friend to not only drink margaritas with but who also tells me the truth, straight up on a daily basis...She is gold!

4) 30 Rock - Lately has been too good to be true! Is it getting funnier?!? Is that even possible?!?!?

5) Curling Irons! - Used to be on my boo list because of an unfortunate curling iron accident that occurred backstage during a Betty Jane Turner Dance Recital when I was six (dancing the Can Can, might I add!) but now has rocketed to the top of the Yay! because, honestly, I have not been able to afford to get hair done and this bad boy makes it looks so bouncy like Shirley Temple! Whoot!

Things that are Boo:

1) Saying Goodbye - to all of the truly awesome, funny, creative in the best sense of the word, folks that I've worked with for the past three months... They make this job the best!

2) Starting Yet Another New Job - Makes me so nervy! Yipers!

Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yam, Shimmy Yay

There are things that are ok to do at a temp job and things that aren’t recommended. Such as, it is alright to call people the wrong name - for you are a temp and you don’t know every person (or even the history of who slept with who and who didn’t sleep with who…which leaves you better off, because seriously office gossip is the worstest). Howevs, it is NOT ALRIGHT to play any sort of game on your desktop – I know, I too loved the solitaire and free cell – and now I love the Scrabbulous (flouncy, flouncy) but, when you are an exposed admin in a cubicle that everyone walks by you must ( I repeat MUST not) give in to the temptation… It’s hard though, really….especially on a Friday afternoon.

I had a terrible dream last night/early morning. The Boy I Heart wakes up about an hour before I have to and frequently I’ll fall into the loveliest dreams (like when Shirley Temple in “The Little Princess” dreams she’s a fancy princess – yes, dreams that good. P.S. That movie still makes me cry) and most of the time I will pass back out only to be surprised by Mexican music (BEST, Most Effective alarm clock music EVER!) what seems like five minutes later. But, today that hour seemed to stretch into a lifetime and suddenly I was in a dream that was so real, so terrifyingly weirdly real that I woke up with The Cold Sweat. I hate when this happens, don’t you? It affects the whole first part of my day because I am so slow to wake up and shake off the icky feeling that the dream evoked…Oh my God Bless America I’m now talking about my dreams….oy va voy – how 15 year old girl of me…Needless to say, the dream was that I was re-hired at my old place of employment and everything was the same (Boo!) and then everything was worse than the same….it was gross.

In better news it is about two hours away from The Weekend, which is The Best news! This week has dragged by, February seems so reluctant to let go, and every gray, snowy cold day seems to shout in my ear “February will never leave!!!” But it will leave – days are getting longer and yesterday I smelled spring – it was in the air…. I can’t wait to have a weekend packed with laziness and yummers food and all sorts of good stuff.

Things that are Yay!:

1. Trader Joe’s Tomato Bisque Soup – Also known as the only tomato soup I can stand to eat. This is creamy tomato goodness!
2. Pete Seeger – I saw a documentary on the Peeeb about the wonderous Pete Seeger this week (I think it was PBS’ “American Masters” series) and he is my new hero. End of story.
3. Seeing Old Good Friendies – I have two visits from two friends I miss with my heart and soul coming up during March… I can’t wait!

Things that are Boo:
1. The Crotches down the Street - who refuse to shovel the sidewalk or to even throw salt down…they are The Suck.
2. America’s Next Top Model – It just isn’t good this year….sad times my friends….

Going, going, gone....

This is how it's been lately friends, a long slog through a foggy street. Each day passes and moments cling to the ridges of the thumbprint of the day. Moments of laughing with friends, of despair over the amount of work and responsibility that has invaded my life, moments of complete utter boredom and/or complete utter wonder with the here and now.

I can't explain how off kilter the sudden Chicago-style changes in seasons throw me. Nothing makes me wish to be back East more than autumn time....I was talking to a friend this past week (a week that literally got to be over 90 degrees - in OCTOBER! a heat wave that everyone was saying "Isn't it wonderful?!" about when NO! It isn't "wonderful" it's bizarre and grody) about how Chicago has only about two days of fall weather before it starts throwing winter in your face in a big bad way. She disagreed, saying "But that IS what fall is!" and maybe it IS what fall is here but, I was spoiled, like a rich child who has always eaten Cocoa Puffs and never had the knock off generic brand. I grew up where fall is a month or longer of playing in piles of leafs, eating apple fritters at harvest fairs (did anyone else burn with the jealousy of a thousand Tonya Harding's when, in elementary school, classmates got to ditch school for a day and go to the Big E?! They would come back full of tales of farm animals, cotton candy and carnie games...), of mornings that smelled like burning leaves and frost, haunted hayrides and overcast days that competed with crystal clear tinge of autumn days - days that are so still and peaceful and perfect for reading books and drinking hot apple cider and watching Anne of Green Gables on the PBS pledge drive...Yes, that is Fall and no place does it better than New England. I mean, c'mon it's one of the things EVERYONE (Democrats and Republicans alike) can appreciate about that area of the country...le sigh.

I haven't written here in a while due to a combination of intense ennui (I have been sighing so much it's like I'm fifteen all over again) and the overwhelming need to do actual work at work.. So instead of rambling on for paragraphs of pretty words (which I can do, I've been ups since 6 am this morning, rambling run on sentences is about all I CAN do). I'm just going to kick up a quick list of Yays and Boos....

Things that are Yay!:

1. New Hair - I was sick of my old hair - had a uniquely girly freak out about a month and a half ago where I couldn't look in a mirror without shuddering. And even though I had JUST gone and gotten my hair cut etc...I made an appointment and got a wicked awesome bob and dyed my hair much darker than it's been in a whie. I was scared friends, scared that I would turn out looking like the fabulous Liza Minnelli who, let's be honest here does not have the most fabulous hair in the world - it kind of looks like a spider of a wig fell on her head and chose to nest there...But, no Liza Minnelli spider-hair here friends! Only a fabulous bob that is short enough not to get caught in any scarf I dare to wrap around my neck this winter. Yay!

2. Good Books! - What a great time to be alive and literate! Seriously, I have read so many great books lately: The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Safon, a book that literally I couldn't put down and read in three days. Three days of walking around zombie tired from staying up late reading about the cemetery of forgotten books and a mystery that made my brain hurt from the goodness of it all.. what a gorgeous book! , The Glass Castle Jeannette Wall - Disturbing and touching and mind boggling that it is non-fiction and that someone was brave enough to write about their life in such a bare bones way. Special Topics in Calamity Physics by Marisha Pessl - Don't be intimidated by the slightly too cute title, or the murder/mystery description on the back cover. Just buy, borrow or steal this book and enjoy every last clever description, plot twist and then please find me so we can discuss the ending! Hiding Out by Jonathan Messinger - Holy crap! I read this book in one night, completely shunning the Battle of the Bulge on Ken Burn's The War, not because it's easy to read or I wanted to burn through it but because it was compulsively read-able. It is full of concise stories that have the most beautiful descriptions of things, people, life that it made me think in clever, lyrical one-liners for the rest of the night. Buy it and love it!


3. Documentaries - I have ALWAYS been a fiction fan - both in film, art and books. I mean non-fiction stuff has always seemed, well, just so actual and real...what's the point I always thought? Isn't life itself real enough without escaping into more reality? But, then I started to watch PBS like it was my job and suddenly I couldn't get enough Frontline and POV and I was hooked. (Listen, I don't have cable, there is no "Oh, I'll watch the newest episode of Weeds option. It's PBS or Two and a Half Men, the choice is easy) And then Ken Burn's The War came on and I'll admit it, I'm not working on any shows (except 2nd Story! Which YAY! 2nd Story this Sunday, come drink wine and hear amazing stories!), and Dave has maybe been kidnapped by the Film Festival so free time is in abundance. So, I started to watch and suddenly I'm having end of the night conversations with the boy I heart where I eagerly say things like, "We've taken France! I think our boys will be coming home soon!" and comparing production meetings to the meeting of Churchill and Roosevelt...It was biased for sure, and it was overwrought yes but, hot damn it was great! I also just signed up for Netflix solely for the reason that I want to watch the Seven Up series which follows fourteen British children from the age of seven, checking in with them every seven years..fascinating shit...and yes! I signed up to Netflix for a dorky reason but, really if you saw my queue you would realize that the dorkiness runs deep!

Things that are Boo:

Missing the boy I heart - The boy I love started working seven days a week fourteen hours a day approximately a month ago and instead of getting used to five minute long conversations and only seeing him twice I week I still miss him every day with all of my heart. The electric ache of loneliness and longing has entered the picture and it is a boo...thank god this crazy schedule ends next week which is a Yay!

Doing Too Much and Expecting to Do More - I try to do a good job whenever I do a job and I will push myself harder than most but, lately the job I heart most (which I STILL heart most even though it's overwhelming me a the moment) has become a series of days where everyone wants a piece of me and tasks increasingly centered around financials which I went to college for theatre specifically to avoid. It's a fine balance between loving my job and sacrificing my free time to keep up with my job and I'm still finding the correct mix.

Shoreline and It's Half Speed...

This is the first post of a blog that I don't know if I will even keep up with. A place to throw up thoughts and writing and see if it sticks...A place to type randomness into the ether while looking busy at work...you know the drill.

It's hot in Chicago - a sudden heat wave that surprised me as I dragged myself out of work last night. Long after most people should be leaving work, long after I mentally left work. The new job I have is completely awesome and completely draining which is simultaneously great and bad news bears. I've been here three weeks and I love it - I mean love it more than I should love an office job which is a sad reality of getting older... Suddenly craving health benefits and stability and expendable income (gasp!) What does it mean when the pull between artistic abandonment and the need for real life things is no longer the central tug of war in your life? All of a sudden I've found myself settling into being older, to the routine of my life - wake up, cereal and vitamins, get on bike, bike to work, work, leave work and bike to the boy or to my friends or just to my house. I'm on a break from theatre and I'm missing it but I'm not missing the erratic schedule, the hours of sitting in a small room watching people emote, the noting of blocking and making of props lists. I DO miss the human interaction and the collaboration and the sheer fruity "artiness" (not really a word but really should be a word!) of putting a show together.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that this restlessness with routine, and the acceptance that life is getting hum drum as I get older is leading to a NEW tug of war... More than anything right now I am hoping for balance, to balance the humdrum routine with the franticness of working full time and doing shows. Looking for a way to balance having "Heather Time" (full of sloth and reading books and dancing around to music) and having time with the boy that I heart. I think the push and pull of life will always come back to this essential problem - how do I achieve the balance I want? And for me that answer changes day to day - I mean even the concept of "what I want" changes day to day but, the luxury of getting older is that at least I admit that I want things now...not material things, sometimes the "thing" that I want is as simple as time to watch POV on PBS (which is sooo good, so good I say!).

Enough of this deep talk though - it is the week before a three day weekend. Only two days until I see my best friend in the whole world. Life is humming along and for once it's not overwhelming.

Things that are YAY!
1. The Lives of Others - This movie won Best Foreign Film at last years Oscars for a reason..because it's provoking and sad and beautiful and made me dream that I lived in a stylized version of East Germany which sounds nightmarish but I woke up feeling melancholy in the best teenage way...Just a good movie, see it!
2. Biking to Work!- YAY for not waiting for a bus or a train! Yay for not having to pay the CTA money I don't have to be late for work and things I want to do...the only downside to using my bike to get everywhere is locking it up all the time because I'm so clumsy it literally takes me at least five minutes...but all of the rest of it is awesome!
3. Rainy Nights with Folks I Heart - Nothing like snuggling with the boy I love and watching a movie when it's pouring out or having wine and good convo with a good ladyfriend - listen, the storms here lately have sucked but the company has been great!
4. Zizek! - Dave and I recently watched this documentary about the Slovenian philosopher Zizek and it made my brain hurt in such a good way!

Things that are Boo
1. Too Little Weekend - There just isn't enough nap time in two days - which is why the extended weekend is going to be awesome!
2. Teeth - Not boo on teeth as a whole, I mean they ARE very useful things to have but, boo to tooth problems and not having insurance yet and grinning (or scowling) and bearing it...