On the Cusp...

Taking a deep breath over here... Spring is always a crazy time of year - seriously, more people suffer nervous breakdowns and serious bouts of depression during the spring time than any other time because all of the blooming, the growing, the change reminds people just how stuck they are. Stuck works in the winter, it's cozy in the winter and a slap in the face on the first 70 degree day..This spring has been even crazier than usual what with the lack of serious permanent jobage and the chaos of the 2nd Story Fest (yay! we are awesome!).

I find myself drifting through the day, distracted by a million tugs on the sleeve of my subconcious. Little things have become hard to do and big things like job interviews and organizing schedules now seem so much easier than figuring out what to wear or how to keep in touch with the bajillion of friends that I no longer can keep a handle on...lameness... But, the lameness is breaking up just like the winter weather has and I find myself on the cusp of something potentially good- a job, a new one that is in a totally foreign much more corporate environment - which I'm thinking of as "Yay new environment! I will approach this like I'm Uncle Traveling Matt on the Fraggles and just observe how strange corporate shit works". To be honest I've worked in a quite a few creative offices in the past couple of years and the chance to work in an atmosphere that has honest to god rules and boundaries seems like a nice change of pace... I say this now...This is quite a big change though and it means that the "Holy shitballs! How am I going to pay my rent AND buy groceries!" worries may be over! Hoorah!

The Boy I heart and I went to the Dog Park this weekend (P.S. Big Ups to Puptown, the best dog park in Chicago !) and my head almost exploded with all of the cute dog-ness running around. Puggles and terriers and labs and golden retrievers all running in never ending circles with intermittent breaks to suck down some water. I heart going to the dog park (although not so much the dog beach because it's, well, it's kind of too much and also kind of like standing in a big pile of gross because you know that every dog that has visited has used the beach for business other than ball catching) but, I heart the dogs and not so much the people.. I mean there was a guy there this Sunday who must have just gotten his first digital camera before coming to the park because he was up in everyone's junk taking pictures, getting in the dogs ways - I mean let them have their room, it's their time! - and totally neglecting his seven year old son who was literally throwing himself around in the gravel, which is recockulously disgusting, I mean I barfed a little in my mouth... Long story short the amount of cute dogs outweighed the effects of rude folks and it made me hopeful that this summer will bring tons of surprises and more days of lazing around watching cute things run in circles...

I feel caught between places, moments, jobs, seasons right now. Life is a jig saw puzzle who's pieces almost match up and it is driving me a bit crazy. I am no good at living in the gray areas, at handling the in betweens and that is what the past few months have schooled me in. Learning to not only accept each bump in the road but also to learn from it, to trust that whatever comes along it's really not the end of the world (unless it is the end of the world - I just watched Cloverfield and that shit is scary).

Things that are Yay!:
1) The Worst Hard Time by Tim Egan - A book about the Great Depression, more specifically the Dust Bowl. I can hear you thinking "Awesome Heather! Like actual real life isn't depressing enough!" And yes, this story is depressing which is probably why I never really got all the facts about it but, it is so much more than that. It is inspiring that folks lived through four years straight of drought and dust storms, that they had the tenacity to hold on. It is also just a really great book that gives the reader all of the facts without skimping on the actual people's story... Really good! P.S. Because I'm reading this I turned to Dave during a thunderstorm last night and said "People living in the Dust Bowl fired explosives into clouds to make this sort of shit happen!" to which he replied "Nerd - O!"

2) The Bryant Park Project - NPR Podcasts how I heart you! Especially this twice a day bad boy that makes working on expense sheets twenty times easier...

3) My friend Heather - Who said "Why haven't you blogged lately?" which made my heart grow two sizes bigger because I honestly think that nobody reads this..She is amazing and I am lucky to have a friend to not only drink margaritas with but who also tells me the truth, straight up on a daily basis...She is gold!

4) 30 Rock - Lately has been too good to be true! Is it getting funnier?!? Is that even possible?!?!?

5) Curling Irons! - Used to be on my boo list because of an unfortunate curling iron accident that occurred backstage during a Betty Jane Turner Dance Recital when I was six (dancing the Can Can, might I add!) but now has rocketed to the top of the Yay! because, honestly, I have not been able to afford to get hair done and this bad boy makes it looks so bouncy like Shirley Temple! Whoot!

Things that are Boo:

1) Saying Goodbye - to all of the truly awesome, funny, creative in the best sense of the word, folks that I've worked with for the past three months... They make this job the best!

2) Starting Yet Another New Job - Makes me so nervy! Yipers!

Spring Has Sprung! And Other Nonsense...

Wow...so, how about March, huh? That's really all I have to say about the whole month that I've been away from this rambling side project of mine... March was kind of the same as right now but colder (but not by much) and with a few special guest appearances (Hi Tones - if you read this! Hi Mikey and Scott! It was great seeing you all, I miss you which is really what seeing you made me realize is that the world seems small but isn't quite small enough...come visit again!).

I am still at the temp job, plugging away. Still waiting for things to work out, for the promise of an actual position there (meep,yip, yay! Benefits and sick days and working somewhere where I heart everyone so much!) to come through...Last month I was out on interviews at least twice a week, then scheduling for the 2nd Story Festival started and now...not so much. I got three interviews in with a really nice company (located at the Opera House, which made feel very bougie bouge but, in actuality was kind of rickety and run down in a very 1950's office building sort of way - not the opera house just the office building inside of the opera house) and it was down to one other person and me and it turned out, story of my life, that she had more experience than I did.....Oh well, I guess.

I have finally finished scheduling tech rehearsals for all 100+ folks - directors, designers, storytellers - involved in this years 2nd Story Festival (well, almost finished - there is this one story that refuses to have all three people's schedules match up but it will get solved soon). I never remember how stressful it is to do, what an undertaking it is, like birthing a huge Microsoft table of a baby. We had our first Press Performance this weekend and it seems to have gone really well, which is no surprise because we rock and deliver stories and wine and live music that will make your brain explode! Buy tickets (all two people who read this blog and probably don't even live in Chicago I'm looking at you - Buy Tickets!!) www.storiesandwine.com

Enough shilling you say! Give us an update on exciting stuff like how the boy I heart and I took our bikes out finally on that one warm weekend day several weeks ago. How we biked up the river front path - which P.S. that path is a sneaky beast and will disappear on you and throw you into Devon Avenue traffic and you will be all "What, what what?!? How did I leave behind scenic polluted waterfront and end up confronting four lanes of crazy Chicago driving" - and ended up seeing the sculpture park (pretty) And THEN we went... to the mall. The ghetto fabulous Lincolnwood mall to be exact. We are from Connecticut the mall is like visiting home without the guilt, although we are both broke so it's exactly like visiting home! We had Auntie Ann's (not the full pretzel, thankyouverymuch, just the little pretzel sticks because they seemed less "I'M A BAD FOR YOU AUNTIE ANNS PRETZEL" , although if assembled I'm sad to say they probably add up to a whole pretzel..le sigh) and went to Kay's Jewelry and pretended to look at rings just to egg on the poor souls working there..I'm telling you it was good times wrapped in a 14 mile bike ride (yipes it hurt to sit, or to walk, or to even think of riding a bike the next day).

Life is puttering along. Spring seems like it will never get here and I seem endlessly tired lately... Endlessly tired and craving baked sweet potatoes, which is just weird, although not the worse thing to crave so I'm letting it slide. Things are good and getting better which is what this time of year should be about...So, Yay Spring, please get here soon, and without lots of rain, and with only sunny non-windy days so I can bike to work..Oh forget it, just Yay Spring!

Things that are Yay:
1. New Netflix Obsessions - Manor House (so they take a family and a whole cast of regular folks and make them live in this ginormous mansion and live like they are back in Edwardian times. Really upstairs/downstairs type of stuff... Totally fascinating and reality drama but with enough educational bits to make me feel less guilty. So good! P.S. midway through realized Mikey, Jess and I had watched this before (nerds!) But it was still good!) Michael Palin's Around the World in 80 Days (Mikey and I took a geography class Senior year of college and oh the stories I could tell about the shenanigans that went on but the main point is we watched a different Michael Palin traveling miniseries. So, I wanted to check this one out and now Dave and I are semi-hooked. Michael Palin is funny AND this was filmed in the late 80's which is fascinating - I mean the USSR existed, so did bad hair, like I said fascinating. Really good) From the Earth to the Moon (The HBO mini-series produced by Tom Hanks keep coming. I was obsessed by Band of Brothers, everyone who knows me has heard all about it. For some reason although this is really good, and the story of how NASA got a man to the moon is engrossing I'm just not feeling it, perhaps some limbs will start getting blown off and then I will like it as much...KIDDING!)

2. This American Life - A mainstay of the Yay! list but must be mentioned because lately it has been really good...Plus in the morning I can't stand music anymore (mayhaps I'm just becoming old or maybe I just hate the morning and loud noise makes me more conscious of it) and the length of an episode is the perfect one to get me downtown and near coffee.

3. Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant by Anne Tyler - This book kills me every time, it is beautifully written and just so true, it just tells the truth about growing up in a family with an absent dad in such a true way. I recently re-read it and fell in love again. Yay Anne Tyler!

Things that are Boo:
1. Winter weather when it's spring - It snowed this weekend people - SNOWED! I know Chicago isn't known for being a paradise weather-wise (encased meat wise on the other hand, we have it covered: brats and polish's and oh everything, I don't mean to brag..) This weather makes everyone cranky and on edge..

2. Stupid Three Trains on One Track - LISTEN CTA, this "project" which you are "working" on whereby all there train lines heading Southbound, in the morning, when we are going to work, better pay off because seriously, seriously this is suck city...

Shimmy Shimmy Ya, Shimmy Yam, Shimmy Yay

There are things that are ok to do at a temp job and things that aren’t recommended. Such as, it is alright to call people the wrong name - for you are a temp and you don’t know every person (or even the history of who slept with who and who didn’t sleep with who…which leaves you better off, because seriously office gossip is the worstest). Howevs, it is NOT ALRIGHT to play any sort of game on your desktop – I know, I too loved the solitaire and free cell – and now I love the Scrabbulous (flouncy, flouncy) but, when you are an exposed admin in a cubicle that everyone walks by you must ( I repeat MUST not) give in to the temptation… It’s hard though, really….especially on a Friday afternoon.

I had a terrible dream last night/early morning. The Boy I Heart wakes up about an hour before I have to and frequently I’ll fall into the loveliest dreams (like when Shirley Temple in “The Little Princess” dreams she’s a fancy princess – yes, dreams that good. P.S. That movie still makes me cry) and most of the time I will pass back out only to be surprised by Mexican music (BEST, Most Effective alarm clock music EVER!) what seems like five minutes later. But, today that hour seemed to stretch into a lifetime and suddenly I was in a dream that was so real, so terrifyingly weirdly real that I woke up with The Cold Sweat. I hate when this happens, don’t you? It affects the whole first part of my day because I am so slow to wake up and shake off the icky feeling that the dream evoked…Oh my God Bless America I’m now talking about my dreams….oy va voy – how 15 year old girl of me…Needless to say, the dream was that I was re-hired at my old place of employment and everything was the same (Boo!) and then everything was worse than the same….it was gross.

In better news it is about two hours away from The Weekend, which is The Best news! This week has dragged by, February seems so reluctant to let go, and every gray, snowy cold day seems to shout in my ear “February will never leave!!!” But it will leave – days are getting longer and yesterday I smelled spring – it was in the air…. I can’t wait to have a weekend packed with laziness and yummers food and all sorts of good stuff.

Things that are Yay!:

1. Trader Joe’s Tomato Bisque Soup – Also known as the only tomato soup I can stand to eat. This is creamy tomato goodness!
2. Pete Seeger – I saw a documentary on the Peeeb about the wonderous Pete Seeger this week (I think it was PBS’ “American Masters” series) and he is my new hero. End of story.
3. Seeing Old Good Friendies – I have two visits from two friends I miss with my heart and soul coming up during March… I can’t wait!

Things that are Boo:
1. The Crotches down the Street - who refuse to shovel the sidewalk or to even throw salt down…they are The Suck.
2. America’s Next Top Model – It just isn’t good this year….sad times my friends….

Cold Hands, Warm Heart

Sometimes life throws you a curveball, this is known, right? This is a cliché in the making, this still has the power to surprise me from time to time. Recently life has been a gray mix of good and bad. The winter is endless…..ENDLESS, I kid you not! Apparently this is the fifth snowiest winter Chicago has experienced since the weather service started tracking that sort of thing. It is Suck City, USA. Constantly having to wear winter clothes, giving the finger to the arctic wind while waiting to cross the street, slipping over two inches of ice covered by three inches of snow… super thumbs down. But good has been happening all around (P.S. this is usually the case, I realize this more and more as I get older, not to sound Pollyanna but for real good stuff is always happening all around us but it gets overshadowed by the bad stuff), such as what? You may ask huddled under a blanket, looking out at another gray day…Well, I’m glad you asked. My super awesome man friend (I prefer “love slave” as the correct term to call him but he balks at that so “man friend” it is, I also use the term “gentleman caller” when I’m feeling particularly swept away..) got offered a job and accepted it, which is huge – I mean ginormously awesomely huge!

The next day we heard that his best friend’s fiancée (who had only been a fiancée for a few days, and was a stage manager, and was sweet and funny and only 30) was in a coma. It’s a long terribly sad story, in fact I hadn’t used that phrase “terribly sad” in such a sincere way before this happened. She had hurt her ankle during tech, gone to the hospital to have it looked at and ended up in a coma because she had late stage leukemia and had no idea….that’s the part, the no idea, part that scares me most. We all have these secrets lurking inside of us, and we have no control over when they bloom. This weekend, I thought of my family and especially of my father who may have passed his own genetic secret on to me. We have to take care of ourselves, friends, and by we, I mean me and by taking care of ourselves I mean a whole plethora of things….Take care of ourselves and hold each other tight.

This is a bummer of a blog, I know…hmmm…let me think…Things that have made me smile lately:

1.) Barack Obama – Seriously, YouTube a speech, any speech, that Barack Obama has given lately and soak it in…The rich voice, the hopefulness that doesn’t read as hokey or trite, the electricity of change..yup I said it, the electricity of change. If that doesn’t make you smile (or cry, if say, you are like me and watching the Super Tuesday results and Barack says “WE are the ones we’ve been waiting for”)
2.) Mochi Ice Cream – I almost don’t want to post this, because then you all might go to Traders Joes and buy it…And by “it” I mean the most delicious ice cream wrapped in sticky rice that was ever dreamed of. Yay ice cream asian delites!
3.) Lost – I know it’s soooo 2002 of me to like Lost but you guys can suck it because seriously this new season of Lost is making my brain hurt with goodness!
4.) Netflix finds of recent: Lillies (BBC miniseries) – So feckin’ good! (it’s BBC Ireland so everyone has a great Liverpudlian accent)! This is the story of a family, and more specifically three sisters in said family, living in Liverpool after WWI – there is religious fervor, an illegitimate baby, a scarred navy veteran who is gay but hiding it – I mean it’s GOOD! , Band of Brothers – I rented this because of my little Ken Burn’s “The War” obsession, and I heard it was great – and it is, I mean really beautiful and touching and a ton of great actors. But, seriously, not for the faint of heart, especially for folks like me who can’t even bear to watch the fake surgery scenes on “ER”. The Boy I Heart and I watched an episode Saturday night where the writers seemed to have a vendetta against limbs because every other shot was someones legs being blown off. Howevs, this is history and it is great!, and finally “Across the Universe” which looked pretty cool (The Beatles + Julie Taymor would = awesometown, one would think) but, just tried toooo hard and had no plot and wasted good moments by making them overblown and felt contrived and did I say it was too long, well it was toooo long…

I hope you are all doing well friends – hold on to the good, and take care of yourselves, February is almost over.

Upside, Downside, Inside Out

Is it really mid-February already? Really?! I wish I had more exciting news, like " I got a job and ohmygod it's The Awesome!" but the most exciting thing that has happened to me lately is the boy I love buying me the new Vampire Weekend cd which rocks my face off and has replaced the Once soundtrack as my "always on my iPod" album...it's soooo good, although it does make me wish that it was summer..

Which, since this is all one tangent of tangents anyways, can I say. That not having a stable sense of employment, trudging from interview to interview and temp job to temp job is depressing enough but, literally only having eight minutes of sunshine during the beginning part of February makes it so hard, so hard to get out of bed and keep going. February is always like this, isn't it? One long slog through endless miles of slush....

I am slogging though....I have had countless second interviews for all kinds of places, from high end to kitty litter...Yeah, that's right I interviewed for a coordinator position at a kitty litter company. The interview took two hours (which is a lot of talking about litter in relation to booking travel and organizing invoices..) and at the end of it they gave me a litter removal system of my own (gasp!). The box was almost up to my weight and about 30 pounds, which I hauled through six inches of snow on and off two trains and eventually half carried/ half dragged up the four blocks to my apartment....What a parting gift, huh? AND I didn't get offered the job, which is like insult to injury, or insult after giving a large box to someone which caused them injury (for real my arms were sooo sore the next day!)..On the bright side Ms. Kitty and Ziggy (my step-cat-children) are happy about their new plumbing system, although a bit suspect of an automatic rake that sweeps their left behinds to a secret litter compartment - it must be how humans felt at first about indoor plumbing.

I'm temping right now, with an hour and a half to go until I can run home and be lazy....the best part of a gray February day.....

Obla-di Obla-dah...

Woke up to gray, rainy weather and was glad for 2.5 seconds that I have no job to rush to in the rain. That I could enjoy falling back to sleep in such dream-y weather. Of course that meant no more sleep came and instead I lay in bed for half an hour thinking of how I would do anything for a solid, boring, show up and do mundane tasks style job. I feel like I'm floating in limbo right now and it's (surprisingly) not the best feeling in the world.

At least I have the comfort of knowing its not just me who's feeling shook up right now. Look at Britney Spear's put in the back of an ambulance her weave half falling off of her head for all of the world to see.... Listen, if I'm losing my shit in a bathroom and I know that every cameraman in town is outside my front door then I would use the bathroom as not only a "I'm losing my shit" style place but also as a "I'm losing my shit but maybe I'll primp a bit before the world sees me losing my shit" style place...I'm just saying.

Hillary Clinton got teary yesterday talking about how much she wants to be President....typical woman...I KID! But seriously, good for Hillary! It's nice to see her evoke some emotion other than "fiery passion about health care" and "lecturing about change". P.S. Who chose 'Change' as Hillary's platform? What smartass did that? Is it a joke? I mean clearly electing her would be a change from Bush (even at the basic anatomical level) but I fail to see how it would be a change in how business is done.. And Obama! Oh sweet, passionate, able to connect with people Obama. He looks more and more like Abraham Lincoln - think about it! It's true! My brother said that Obama should grow a Lincoln style beard and he would immediately get elected. He would also have to avoid all theatrical events....

I'm reading "Appetite for Life" right now. A biography of the amazing Julia Childs, who once said she wished she had a talent instead of mundane success at a variety of things. She didn't realize her talent until her mid-30's. This gives me hope and makes this rainy day pass with less anxiety...maybe I'll go back to sleep after applying for one more Executive Assistant job...

Things that are Yay!:
1. Suddenly Spring Days in January - It always happens that one or two day stretch of warm weather in the dead of winter. Un-nerving, yes but this weekend and yesterday were some of the nicest days in a long time. I rode my bike! I didn't wear a winter jacket! It was great!

2. The New American Gladiators - We must all do things we don't want to do during this writers guild strike. For me that was watching American Gladiators...and it isn't bad. In fact if you can embrace the fact that there is a Gladiator named "Wolf" who howls everytime he is seen then it's almost fun...

3. Dorothy Allison - I just read Cavedwellers and Bastard out of Carolina...phew. What challenging stories but what wonderful writing! I have to thank Aimee and Heather for cluing me in to this.

Things that are Boo:
1. Shrinking Bank Accounts - Really?! Do I need to expand upon this?
2. Crappy Temp Jobs - I had one last week, it made me want to die, then it was over...at least the temporary part of it is a Yay!
3. Missing the East Coast - In a way that makes it feel like I just moved out here. I long for familiarity for a drive to the ocean...

For Really Reals.....No Really

Ok, I have been absent doing non-bloggy, "real worldy" type things for the past month....I also haven't wanted to blog, to share, to spew forth meaningful sentiments and thoughts because well, because I suddenly became unemployed a couple of weeks ago (Merry Christmas to me!). You have to understand that although I was unhappy at my new-ish (now suddenly gone, poof, dunzo) job I had no idea that A) I was doing a bad job, or even a semi-bad job B) things like being fired happened to me, I mean seriously I am demanding of myself and I just am still somewhat gape mouthed about the whole thing C)searching for a job during the most Holiday of times would be quite the experience that is has become.

In the grand tradition of my WASP-Y forefathers (and mothers) this is not a post to moan, to explain how terribly blue the days seem when all you want to do is something that feels vaguely useful that doesn't involve Monster.com or sitting at a computer revamping a resume that utilizes the terms "Administrative, Implemented process' and bookeeping" way too many times....Oh No this post is about making lemons from lemonade my friends. Below are my top five favorite things about this whole experience:

1.) Temp agencies all have the same automated tests - It's True! I am now registered with three different employment agencies and I have to say the worst part about the two hours it takes to register at these places is the testing. The Microsoft Word test, the data entry test, the Excel test...etc... I usually have The Dread about computer skills test that don't let you use shortcuts which are what everyone uses because, well because they are Awesometown and make things ten thousand million times easier! But after realizing that all temp agencies use the same testing software I had the last laugh! By the time I did the third agencies test I was a MENSA level computer skills genius......hoorah!

2) As an underemployed person - (phew, it still seems weird to type that)- you now have a legitimate excuse for not buying a Streetwise...

3) During the holiday season the last thing that people want to do is interview potential workers, although if you do get an interview be thankful and commiserate with them. I had an interview at a law firm the week before Christmas and we spent more time talking smack about O'Hare then we did about the position itself..I still haven't heard back from that company but, at least I had the pleasant experience of dishing about which terminal in O'Hare has the best Hudsons bookstore.....and let me say it was worth going downtown just for that....

4) When home for the holidays and underemployed realize that folks asking about your job while unaware that you until recently had a job and are still mourning the loss of that job aren't being cruel they are just being people. MAN, when you can't talk about the weather anymore people love to talk abut who works where... In this instance it is ok and not lying to pretend your job still exists because really nothing brings down the holiday spirit more than unemployement talk.....

5) When it seems impossible it really is ok. This is truth people. Bigger things happen in the world everyday then losing jobs or gaining jobs (i.e Pakistan, Iraq, cancer). If you are semi-literate, presentable and have a good phone voice (qualities I thankfully have) then you will get hired. You just have sit around watching Netflix for few days (La Vie En Rose - brilliant a bit long but the actress who played Piaf was stunning, No Reservations - Good, I wish I was Anthony Bourdain, Peep Show - One of the funniest BBC comedies I've seen, The Black Adder - Not one of the funniest BBC comedies I've ever seen, Rowan Atkinson slightly annoys me,yeah I said it!) until the holidays pass and all will right itself.

So, I went home for a week of crazy Connecticut Christmas madness...a post for another day - got a head cold lost entire portions of Christmas Eve and Day because of a deadly mix of cold medicine, slept on an air mattress in the basement of my Mom's condo, saw good friends, had lots of yummy food...yada yada...It was a nice break from all of the stuff I've listed above. During the Holidays it almost seems like everyone is unemployed.....